Preview: All Blacks v South Africa

Finally we have something to really sink our teeth into.

After a couple of games against France, and a single outing against Canada, we can at last get into a game where the action may overshadow the talk.

No more talk about half-strength teams, no more talk about rotation, no more talk at all.

The real deal is upon us, and it should be a classic.

Despite a number of injuries, the Springboks are full of confidence after an impressive Super14 showing, a good build up against England, and a tough, tight match with Australia.

They now know they will have to step up again, but the real question is whether the All Blacks can do likewise for the first time this season.

I don't really buy into the travel being such a big factor....it's a fact of life and has to be dealt with, but I also think it's another Graham Henry distraction point.

I expect our scrum to get stronger as the game goes on, based of course on the continuing growth of The Beard throughout the match. Basing our attacks around the scrum, I think the All Blacks will be too strong in the backs, and will take the match up 13+.

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Facial Hair of The Week

This week we've taken the odd decision to honour a South African. Odd in that not only is it the week of the first Tri-Nations test for the All Blacks, but he's also their captain.

Victor Matfield is our choice this week. He skippers the Springboks for the first time, he's the best lock in the world, and he has a wonderful beard. Obviously it isn't as imposing, impressive or powerful as The Beard, but for a South African it's a sterling effort.

A great player for the last 10 years, Victor can be a bit of a dirty bastard on the field, but in many ways thats part of his charm, and its also a result of his relentless drive to win.

Victor Matfield, the beard's a beauty mate, and we salute you.

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Why we love the Springboks

Many of my formative years coincided with the era when South Africa was (rightly) cut off from the international community. Our biggest and best tests were against the Australians, and so I grew up considering them "the old foe".

But since SA re-emerged from their self-induced hibernation, I have come to understand why those older than I think of them as the old enemy.

And when I hear Jake White stating to his men after their win over the Wallabies last week "You've got the All Blacks next week. Now it gets even harder but we get born to play rugby against New Zealand. That's why we get born in this country", I get a shiver down my spine.

Because to rugby people such as us, he speaks the truth. Kiwis are born to be All Blacks, and play against South Africa in the biggest clashes on the planet. It is what drives us to thrust every part of our heart and soul into defeating them.

Because you know that they're doing the same.

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Matt Dunning wants a crack at The Beard

Like many people, I was surprised that there weren't any deaths in the Wallaby front-row after the weekend's test in SA. In the last couple of years the Australian scrum has had all the power of an anti-smacking bill. Many have pointed to the use of the "crouch, touch/pause, engage" rule as being far too confusing for Australian players, meaning they don't get a decent hit on.

But against the Springboks this past weekend they weren't half bad, and certainly weren't destroyed like they have been several times in the recent past.

After claiming that it was his best game in the Wallaby jersey ever, Matt Dunning has now said he wants to take on The Beard.

"If I get picked in the game in Melbourne he will be the next challenge and he is world class, he's the best, so we'll be able to see how good I am after that."

It is of course admirable for young Matt to want to test himself against the best. That's what international sport is about, and nothing brings out a players best like playing for their national team against the best prop on the planet.

Hayman's Beard wishes Matt well, but also holds grave fear for his life. He should spend the next two weeks praying that Carl hasn't grown The Full Beard by the time they meet. If The Beard should go off during a scrum, there's no telling what damage could be done to a young player with questionable ability. Safety first people, safety first.

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Why we need Hayman's Beard

Since the dawn of time, mankind has been drawn to the symbolic power of various relics, using them as excuses for worship, unity, and conquest. From the Holy Grail and The Ark of the Covenant to great sporting trophies and national monuments, countless lives have been lost in the pursuit of that which these icons represent: power, belief, unity, excellence.
Whilst the Webb Ellis Cup is one such icon, it seems readily apparent that there is another such symbol which draws New Zealand together, another ideal behind which Kiwis can gather to take on the world.
I speak of course of Hayman's Beard.
When one looks at the truly great sporting legends, one theme stands out: that of incredible facial hair. The giants in their fields all distinguished themselves with wonderful statements of manliness by adorning themselves with that most masculine of features.
Cast your mind over these legends: David Boon. Terry Wright. Joe Stanley. Hulk Hogan. Merv Hughes. Chuck Norris. Uncle Jesse. Mark Greatbach. Thomas Magnum. ZZ Top.

One thing sets them apart from mere mortals.

And it is that element that is currently missing from the All Blacks.

Few things in this world send fear coursing through a man's veins, or make women weak at the knees, like Carl Hayman's wondrous beard.

An unkempt mass of steel wool, at it's zenith it nearly doubles the All Blacks pack weight, and is added to the Periodic Table of Elements (symbol Hb). During the Haka, The Beard actually heats up to over 10,000 degrees Celsius, and can be seen from space with the naked eye. The Beard is watched 24/7 by agents from the U.S. military, as it's considered a threat to American National Security, however individual agents can only last for a matter of days at a time before going insane from its awesomeness.

Contrary to popular belief, under Chuck Norris's beard isn't a fist: It's a tattoo of Hayman's Beard.

The simple fact is that if the All Blacks are to win the World Cup this year, they're going to need every advantage they can get. And that includes Hayman's Beard.

We at Hayman's Beard urge Carl to grow back The Beard. There comes a time in every man's life when he must stand up for what he believes in. For Carl Hayman this time is now. And the stand he must make is big and shaggy.

Grow The Beard Carl. Your country needs you.

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Review: South Africa v Australia I

South Africa 22 Australia 19

With a collective age of 3714 the Wallaby backline was never going to be beaten on experience. The only real question was whether Larkham would be able to last the game without snapping in half or exploding in some way. And does Gregan even need to shave his head anymore? Or can we expect to see him in an Advanced Hair (yeah yeah) ad soon?

The surprising thing to my hairy eyes was the way that the Australians managed to negate the much-vaunted physicality of the 'boks. South Africa lack the flair and attacking prowess in their backline to really threaten teams with good defensive patterns, so it's usually through the forwards that they make their gains. Like a league team in many ways, they build a platform on one-man plays via their big men, before hoping the gaps open up.

But Australia were equal to the task on Saturday, defensively at least. One wonders though whether they'll be mentally a bit whacked after pouring their souls into defending for 80m, only to fall short.

The South Africans also didn't look as strong as I'd expected. They had a few injuries to be sure, but still looked a little....robotic. They demonstrated an inability to change their gameplan when it became obvious it wasn't giving them the opportunities they needed.

The game also illustrated once again the need to lower the number of points given for a drop-goal. I'd love to see it drop to a single point. Do you agree or not?

Either way, it will be a huge game this Sunday morning (NZT) against the 'boks.

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Review: All Blacks v Canada

What a great game that was. Seriously. An awesome game. And not because of the All Blacks, who (rightly) were less than impressed with themselves. But because Canada showed just how good a team that does the basics well can play, no matter the opposition.
Canada were always going to be behind when it came to fitness, strength, and overall skill level. The only areas where they could (and did) match the All Blacks were in enthusiasm, heart, determination, and what seemed to be a genuine love for playing the game. What a refreshing change it was to see a side that wasn't concerned with how the media would see them; with whether their coach was under pressure; with saving their own spots. This was a team that were enjoying playing rugby in New Zealand, before a crowd who appreciated them, against one of the top sides in the world.
Imagine being in the New Zealand Ice Hockey team and playing the Canadian national team in Montreal. Or The All Whites taking on Brazil at home. It's a wonderful honour, but it's also a chance to learn, to test yourself against the best. The Canadians certainly weren't star-struck by the men in black, and threw themselves into the game with gusto. They wouldn't have been happy with the scoreline, but you certainly couldn't find too much fault with their game overall.

And the All Blacks? Like most pundits I wasn't impressed with the first half, and while the second half was better it seemed like most of them were playing with one eye on next week in Durban. Nothing really went wrong, but against a top team like the Springboks everything has to go right, especially in The Republic where their record of late hasn't been wonderful.

Hopefully the conditioning program will give them enough of an edge this Saturday, together with what should be a full squad (locks aside) to choose from.

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French World Cup Squad Announced

The French have announced their 30 man squad for the World Cup, with a few surprises included. An odd mix for sure....Chabal included as a lock, no Castaignede who will no doubt retire from internationals now, and seven back rowers.
Seems that the French are basing their tactics around a loose-forward attack. Which might be a good idea if their scrum wasn't as stable as a Sovereign employee after a night at the T-bar.
French World Cup Squad:
Backs: Pierre Mignoni, Jean-Baptiste Elissalde, Frederic Michalak, David Skrela, Lionel Beauxis, Yannick Jauzion, Damien Traille, David Marty, Christophe Dominici, Cedric Heymans, Vincent Clerc, Aurelien Rougerie, Clement Poitrenaud
Forwards: Pieter de Villiers, Sylvain Marconnet, Olivier Milloud, Jean-Baptiste Poux, Raphael Ibanez, Sebastien Bruno, Dimitri Szarzewski, Sebastien Chabal, Fabien Pelous, Jerome Thion, Lionel Nallet, Serge Betsen, Julien Bonnaire, Imanol Harinordoquy, Elvis Vermeulen, Yannick Nyanga, Remy Martin.

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All Blacks vs Canada preview

I love the way the Canadians are approaching this game. No bollocks, just simple determination and the desire to learn as much as possible. They recognise that it's a rare opportunity for them, and one they can really use in a World Cup year.

Of course no one's expecting anything less than a complete annihilation by the All Blacks, but at the same time the changes to the team have probably meant that overall progress will take a step backwards in some areas.

All Blacks:
Mils Muliaina, Doug Howlett, Luke McAlister, Aaron Mauger, Sitiveni Sivivatu, Daniel Carter, Byron Kelleher, Jerry Collins, Chris Masoe, Reuben Thorne (captain), Ross Filipo, Troy Flavell, Neemia Tialata, Andrew Hore, John Schwalger.
Reserves:
Keven Mealamu, Carl Hayman, Rodney So'oialo, Richie McCaw, Piri Weepu, McAlister/Rico Gear, Leon MacDonald

Much as one my favourite sights in world rugby is seeing the Japanese score a try against one of the top nations, part of me hope that Canada can put up a great showing.

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Facial Hair of The Week

A regular feature of Hayman's Beard will be to highlight some of the glorious facial hair stylings of sportsmen (and women...I guess...) other than Carl.

This week we honour former Tongan international and now radio personality Willie Lose.

Personally I love listening to Willie cause he doesn't beat around the bush, and doesn't take much shit. He calls it as he sees it, and brings a refreshing honesty to sports talk.

And the way he contrasts his chrome dome with a caterpillar moustache is pure genius.

Well done Willie, Hayman's Beard salutes you.

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First post!

Well here we are.

Today I begin Hayman's Beard.

This past weekend the All Blacks completed their demolition of the French, although it came at the cost of Ali Williams and Keith Robinson. Richie made it through ok tho, and Nick was awesome in place of DC. I'll post a full review of the game from Hayman's Beard's perspective soon, but seeing Carl run out without The Beard gives me the shits when I think of the World Cup.

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